The man said...

I once met a man.

I was dating his daughter.

He said to me, "There are two things that I need to know about you: You treat my daughter well enough in her eyes that she wants to keep you around. And you treat my grandson as well or better. That is good enough for me. There is one thing you need to know about me: At a word from her, I'll kill you."

Then he went into a lengthy description of how he thought he could peel the skin from my subcutaneous fat and said fat from my muscle and, possibly, most of the muscle from the bone before I died.

Great guy. I admired him a bunch.

Irony? and fauna

So today, for the first time in twelve years, I rode my motorcycle in full body proper attire: helmet (duh, governor says I must or he'll sick his henchman on me {apparently it's an issue for certain doctors [and mothers], too. What is it with the people who care about me and helmets?}), reinforced gloves (and silk liners - it's dang cold riding sixty {ok, seventy [ok, ok, eighty]} miles an hour at forty degrees ambient), tall leather boots, leather jacket, and chaps.

Yup, the kind without an ass.

As I set out I thought to myself, "Self. Would it be ironic if, today with this unprecedented level of protection, I dumped my bike at speed for the first time?" I have trouble with irony. We've made it way more complex than the dictionary definition: "result which is unexpected".

Half an hour later (it's a long, long road to work) I saw a beautiful buck from a distance of approximately half a highway lane. I'd tell you all about how pretty he was, but I was unable to count his points due to the distraction of the doe on the other side of me that I could have, without hyperbole, (yes, I can work without it sometimes; just don't like to) touched with my left hand.

That was good for the ol' adrenal glands.

Because no one believed Pops...

For Thumper and Zombie: don't look directly into the moon (after all, it is reflecting the sun's light). Look to the right; you'll find it much more humorous.




Whose eyes are burning right now from the soap they rubbed in them?

Seriously, I was totally coerced into this and it will be a temporary thing.

Well, it looks like the roulette wheel came up with your number this time and you will not be subjected to the cowboy moon.