d minus vente y ocho y contando

Should this be depressing me? Or liberating me? Today I realized that, when the countdown reaches its denouement, an important person in my personal history will simply cease to exist. Oh, there will be records of their existence, and memories. They will, however, no longer be. Well, not the same person anymore. Sure, that has happened in so many ways already, but it's not real. Yet.

Theoretically the deed has not been done. If you asked a lawyer, he would tell you that it's not too late. If you ask anyone who knows anything, they will tell you it's been too late for, oh, let's say...7 months and 8 days. Or so. And waaayyy to late for a couple of months. Maybe more, who can say, for certain. Some may say just a little over a month, but they are the uninformed. Include me as a onetime member of this group.

So, I look forward to the day. And I dread it. It represents, in typical Gemini fashion, one of the bravest things I've ever done, and perhaps my gravest failure in a lifetime of mistakes.

On the one hand I know that I've done the right thing. Although, from the empirical evidence, this is a very hard point to support. I suppose that's what faith is for, no? I have the faith of my convictions, which is enough for me. It's nice to be supported by loved ones, but if one truly believes one is on the right path, unnecessary. Their backing, even if it was a little late in coming (in some cases), does make the row somewhat easier to hoe. It is still up to each person to actually do the digging.

On the other hand was a golden band...as the song goes (kinda,. Shut up, I'll remember the lyrics however I please. If you don't like it, get your own blog and write whatever you want. Just don't forget to tell me where to find it in the comments, or I'll never know of your almighty superiority). When one says, "I do.", does anyone really mean anything but forever? That's silly, of course some people do. Not me. I waited until I had found the person who I could spend the rest of my life with.

Well, the female person, I passed up the male version due to a lack of differences in DNA makeup. Too much of the matching XY vs. XX just doesn't work for me. Too bad, though, because it would have saved me a hell of a lot of other kinds of pain.

Umm... that's not the point I was going for, was it? Where was I? Oh, right...

So here I was, optimistic that I had found that of which the poets sing. Love everlasting. To somehow mess that all up... It feels like failing in the worst possible way. So bad that I cannot even come up with a suitable analogy. If you know me personally, you know that this is a serious situation, next to hyperbole, analogies are the most important part of my inter-world relating.

Optimistic. That choice of word has put the lie to my whole string of BS. Hasn't it? Perhaps it would be more honest to say that I felt "cornered". You see, I did believe that I'd found exactly what I was looking for. But then I learned that there was only one way to hang on to it. (Yeah, it was not an assumption I made. It was laid out for me pretty clearly.) So I did what made me happy. And seemed to make everyone else happy. That alone should have made it the right thing. If everyone's happy, how can it not be the right thing?

Because only an idiot enters into a lifetime contract without reading the fine print. (Hint: it's a the bottom of the post, and it's so small that you probably won't be ale to read it.)

Well, like most of these seem to, this will dribble to and end. No clear cut conclusions for you. It's sort of like life, in that way. If it is like life...then I've imitated life in my writing. And some have said that art imitates life. Does that somehow make this art? If so, the I claim that I meant for that to be so. If not... well, who wants to be an artist, anyway.