Khaki? Who knew.

Warning! Achtung! This may contain details outside the comfort level of certain constant readers. I do not take responsibility for your discomfort if you read on.

The other day my girlfriend was talking about her laundry and mentioned the "brown comforter" from her bed was in the wash. No, I don't remember how it came up, try to stick with the story I'm telling, not the one you want to hear.

I said, "I don't remember a brown comforter..." and I began furiously trying to figure out if I should recall such a thing.

She says, "Well, you should." Shit! Think fast! "It has been on the bed since I met you." Faster... Harder... "You know, the one that the dogs lay on..." Beige...

!
!

Me, "You mean the khaki one?"

Her, "Ummm, yeah... I didn't expect you to know the difference. Most guys would have called it brown."

Me, "Brown? Maybe 'tan', or 'canvas', but 'khaki is the right color."

Her, "Hmph."

Me, "I'm not gay!"

Her, "Sure, dear. Whatever you say." I think there may have been a discussion of mauve to follow - I'm trying to block it.

A week or so later, at work:

Me, "Hey, guys. Did you see the shirt I got for being on that special project?" Holding up a robin's egg blue shirt (what?): "Do you think the beard is enough manliness to offset this color?"

Guys, in chorus, "NO! Couldn't he have gotten a different color? Maybe something a bit more effeminate? Wasn't everyone on that team a man?"

Me, "Well, at least it isn't periwinkle."

Guys, again in chorus (now who's gay?), "Periwinkle? What's that? Is it a color?"

Dang! I'm not gay!

Today, at a gas station downtown, to my girlfriend (uh, not the same one... that's a discussion for another time, though. I think.), "Does it impinge my masculinity that I know what khaki is and can differentiate it from other colors?"

Her, "No, that doesn't make you gay... Uh, what's khaki?"

Gahhhh!

I'm not gay! Really, I'm not. And two girlfriends is NOT me compensating like a dude with a small dick and a 40" lift on his truck.